Do you ever feel that all you do is run in circles waiting for something to happen, talking about something that you have no control over? That is how I feel a lot lately. I have no control over so many pivotal aspects of my life and yet I have to keep doing my best for myself and my family. One thing I have some control over is my job. I am lucky to have it next year, thanks to being contracted last year before budget cuts. Our school and district may lose some amazing teachers and we are in a much better situation than most districts. There are rumors flying around about who's leaving what school, who's retiring, and who is 'not coming back' after their probationary period (three years). With those people who are leaving, I am truly hopeful that we can keep some of our amazing probationary teachers on with us. Maybe not at the same school with the same job, but at least in the district.
My husband had back surgery on the third of May, something we've been waiting for for three years. All went well except for the time schedule I was told by the doctor. We were expecting to be home that same day and weren't. Surgery didn't start until 11am (supposed to begin at 9am) and my husband was in recovery for almost three hours because the doctors couldn't control his pain. When he finally got to his room, I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. What made it even worse is that I couldn't stay with him. I had to go and pick up my son from daycare. We both shed tears and I absolutely did not want to leave him at the hospital. He understood that our son needed me more, and it was still heart breaking to leave. My husband came home the next day. I was at the hospital at 8am and spoke with his surgeon. Thank goodness everything went well and the surgery was a success. We were able to leave around 1pm and go home. My parents were wonderful during this process. Papa came on the day of surgery and we walked around NW Portland for about an hour and talked. Momma came on Thursday and we surprised her with the news that we got to go home. We are so very lucky to have amazing parents. He has to wear a back brace and goes into the surgeon on Wednesday, hopefully we'll get good news and learn more about when he can start physical therapy - another aspect of my life where I feel I'm running in circles. I can't force my husband to do anything, but if he wants to get better, he's going to have to follow the doctor's plan.
One other way I feel that I'm waiting for something to happen is with a family member. I literally don't know what to do and feel that I've done everything I can to reach out to them and I get nothing back. Something that really bothers me is that I helped this person out when they really needed it and was told some things would happen in return. None have. I have tried and tried with this person and I'm thinking I'm done. When they want to have a relationship with me, my husband and our kids, they will have to let us know. This choice is very difficult, but I don't know what else to do and have to protect myself and my family at this point.
School is winding down, at least that's what people say and it feels like it's only winding up for me. We have new classes that the Learning Specialists are teaching next year and we don't really know what we are teaching. Designing and pulling curriculum together takes much longer than non-teachers realize. I'm may be teaching a new grade level next year, only 7th, which I haven't done before but look forward to the challenge. It's going to be great having one grade level again, I'm just a little bummed I won't have two students. Maybe we can make an exception and I'll still have them! Everyone at school is a bit anxious about what they will be teaching next year. Our district budget was just approved and we are very late in creating the schedule this year. Our principal and scheduling secretary are doing an amazing job at keeping us posted, I couldn't imagine having to create a schedule for 800+ students. I just hope I am teaching the classes that I was told I may teach. That keeps it a bit simpler. I've been running from meeting to meeting this month and still have two more this week. It's either October or May during the school year that is completely slammed. Add on my husband's surgery and I'm wiped out. I keep attempting to catch up on sleep and relax and other things keep popping up.
I'm still doing it all and doing a pretty good job at it. Hopefully soon my husband will be able to take part in his own life and our lives more with his back healing. I can't wait for my true summer to start.... it's not the last day teachers are supposed to be at school, it's the time when I don't have to go back to school to have any more meetings, planning groups, or finish paperwork. I'm hopeful that my summer will start the Wednesday after school gets out, which is a lofty goal.
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